How I Help Students Build a Trusted Adult at School

In this post, you'll learn three simple steps to help your student build a working relationship with at least one adult at school, and why that relationship matters for their grades.

Why This Matters to You

On September 25, K-12 Dive reported on new research from Equal Opportunity Schools and the Center for Trust and Transformation. Students who had a trusted adult at school were 10% to 20% more likely to enroll in advanced coursework. They also had slightly higher GPAs.

About 77% of the students surveyed said they had a trusted adult during at least one school year between 2016 and 2020. Teachers were named most often, followed by counselors, coaches, school leaders, office staff, and custodians.

A related Learning Collider study, covered in the same article, looked at 10th and 11th graders with GPAs of 3.0 or higher who were not yet taking AP classes. Forty-five percent had no teacher recommendation for advanced coursework.

That means many capable students are missing out on opportunities simply because no adult at school knows them well enough to speak up for them. This is where self-advocacy comes in. It's the skill of speaking up for what you need. And it's much easier when there's already a relationship in place.

Why Most People Fail

The main reason is that students wait until there's a problem. The first time they talk to a teacher one-on-one is when a grade is already slipping or an assignment is missing. That's a hard first conversation.

Here is what gets in the way:

• Thinking it's awkward or "extra." Many students believe talking to a teacher outside class is only for students who are behind or showing off.

• Parents doing the talking. When a parent emails every time, the student never practices the skill, and the teacher never hears the student's voice.

• Not knowing what to say. Without a simple script, a student will usually say nothing.

• Picking the wrong moment. Catching a teacher in the hallway between classes rarely goes well.

• One conversation and done. Trust builds through small, repeated contact, not one big talk.

The good news: building a trusted adult relationship doesn't take a big personality or a lot of time. It takes a plan and a little practice.

A 3-Step Guide To Building a Trusted Adult at School

Step 1: Pick One Adult on Purpose

What to do: Sit down with your student and list the adults they see each week at school: teachers, a counselor, a coach, a club advisor. Ask which one feels easiest to talk to. Choose one to start with. It helps if it's a teacher in a class that matters for their goals.

Why it works: "Talk to your teachers" is too vague. One named person turns a big idea into a clear next step. Since teachers were the adults students named most often in the research, a teacher is a natural place to begin.

Example: A student might pick their chemistry teacher because they like the class and want to take the advanced course next year.

Step 2: Make a Low-Stakes First Contact

What to do: Help your student reach out before there's a problem. Keep it short. They can stop by during office hours or send a brief email. I teach students a simple email format called CHAT: a Cheerful hello, Here's my plan, Ask for what I need, and a Thank you. Your student writes it. You can read it over, but let them do the writing.

Why it works: A first conversation about something small is easy. It also means that when a bigger question comes up later, the teacher already knows who your student is and that they care about the class.

Example: A student might write: "Hi Ms. Lee, I'm enjoying our unit on reactions. I'm planning to take AP Chemistry next year. Could I come by Thursday to ask what I should focus on to be ready? Thank you!"

Step 3: Keep a Simple Check-In Rhythm

What to do: Help your student plan one small touchpoint every two or three weeks. It could be asking a question after class, stopping by before a test, or sharing a quick update on how they used the teacher's advice. Put it on the calendar so it doesn't get lost.

Why it works: Trust grows through repeated small moments. Over time, the teacher gets to know your student's effort and goals. That's the kind of relationship that can lead to a recommendation, an extension when life happens, or a nudge toward a harder class.

Example: A college student might attend one professor's office hours every other week with one prepared question. By midterms, the professor knows their name and how they think.

Conclusion

Self-advocacy is easier when someone at school already knows your student. Start by picking one adult on purpose. Then make a low-stakes first contact. Finally, keep a simple check-in rhythm going.

This week, ask your student one question: "Which adult at school would you feel okay talking to?" That one answer is the first step.

P.S. If your student is capable but quiet at school, I can help them practice these conversations. Book a free discovery call at BestEFC.com.

About Me

Natalie Micheel, MBA, is a certified executive function coach and founder of BestEFC. After a career in operations and audit at global companies like Sprint, Medtronic, and ITT, she has spent more than 15 years teaching, tutoring, and coaching students from pre-K through college. She helps capable students build simple systems that work as hard as they do.

Sources

• K-12 Dive, "Trusting relationships in schools support student outcomes, study says" (Sept. 25, 2026)